Shame and Sexual Violence

Programme:

Nelleke Nicolai will name several traumatic forms of shame, such as shame after violence and shame as the effect of humiliation (and its relationship with revenge and resentment, anger and hatred). Internalised shame and embarrassment about this shame play a major role in treatment after sexual violence and sexual boundary violations. Shame can lead to different feelings and behaviours, such as blaming oneself, guilt, as well as disgust with one’s own body and self-hatred. This in turn leads to extreme avoidance or dissociation from body experience. This shame becomes permanent and permeates the sense of self. It can also lead to familial patterns, where shame becomes intergenerational and embedded in silence. The relationship between shame and self-hatred is explained through case studies.

Martine Groen will ask: What do differences in patterns of feeling shame look like? Are shame-driven feelings and behaviours very different or are there more similarities after sexual violence? Do women feel more ashamed than men after violence? Martine will explore and deepen these questions together with Nelleke.

With contributions by Liesbeth Vreeburg (harp) and Manon Uphoff (literary reading). The evening will be moderated by Koen Hilberdink.

The evenings start at 8pm and ends at 10pm, with the bar staying open until 11pm.

The evening can also be followed via a livestream. The link will be sent by email two hours in advance.

About the guest speakers:

Nelleke Nicolai has been a psychiatrist, psychotherapist, and psychoanalyst. She has been a supervisor and lecturer at several training courses on trauma and attachment. Among others, she wrote Empathie (2016), Emotieregulatie, de kunst van het evenwicht (2016) and In levenden lijve: het lichaam in de psychotherapie (2020).

Martine Groen is a clinical psychologist/psychotherapist (non-practising). She has specialised in rumination and family systems. She worked in women’s services and was associated with the police and fire service for ten years. She also worked in former Yugoslavia for ten years. Her most recent publication, Intieme Oorlog, was co-written with Justine van Lawick and is now in its eighth print run.

Liesbeth Vreeburg is a harpist, composer, music theatre maker and performer, active in various musical worlds. She combines developing her own work with playing 18th, 19th and 20th century chamber music. She enjoys working at the intersection of disciplines, where image, sound and word intertwine.

Manon Uphoff  is a writer, screenwriter, and visual artist. Begeerte, her debut, was nominated for the AKO Literature Prize, the Anton Wachter Prize and the ECI Prize. The novel Gemis, nominated for the Libris Literature Prize, was awarded the Rabobank Spring Prize for Literature. Her recently published novel Vallen is als vliegen was widely praised.